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  As a special gift to Bright Antenna fans,we offer the Ask The CESG, a weekly advice column where Tiffanie, our Chief Executive Super Goddess, answers your questions on a wide range of topics including love, sex, relationships, food, arts & literature, philosophy, religion, politics, celebrity gossip, fashion and, of course, music. Please don’t ask Tiffanie for advice on things such as mortgages, team sports, the weather, the stock market, where to send demos, child-rearing, or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. She will ignore those.

* Disclaimer: Bright Antenna needs to tell you that Tiffanie has absolutely no professional qualifications to dispense advice, but she is highly opinionated and promises to provide solid, honest answers to all solid, honest questions. If you’ d like to ask Tiffanie a question, please email:

AsktheCESG@brightantenna.com
RETURN TO THIS WEEKS QUESTION

This Weeks Question


Dear CESG-


I love my boyfriend, except that he puts on The Very Best of Chicago every time we have sex. It's driving me crazy and I can't take it anymore. Should I dump him? Please tell me what to do! Thank you.
Sincerely,

Louise (NOT from Chicago)

Dear Louise-


Start with communicating to your boyfriend. Tell him how making love with Chicago on makes you feel, suggest that changing up the music could change up a lot of things in the bedroom, and offer to trade him one Peter Cetera song for the position of his choice, a set of handcuffs and a blindfold. (That always works for me.) If your boyfriend continues to insist on going down on you with "You're The Inspiration" as the soundtrack, try to look on the bright side - at least it's not Ke$ha or Train. Truth be told, I think you're being a little hard on both the band and your boyfriend. Loving someone means embracing their idiosyncrasies, including their questionable musical choices. So, tomorrow night, instead of rolling your eyes and huffing, try whispering "Baby What a Big Surprise" into your boyfriend's ear three seconds after he spews and I guarantee he will think you are a "Hard Habit To Break."


Shine on...



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And for anyone about to protest that Steely Dan’s music is not boring, I submit “Reelin’ In The Years” and “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number” as exhibits A and B - arguably the musical equivalents of counting sheep.)

For the non-architecture buffs, a Mansard roof, to quote Wikipedia, is a four-sided gambrel-style hip roof characterized by two slopes on each of its sides with the lower slope at a steeper angle than the upper. (Google photos of almost any boulevard in Paris and you are sure to find an example of said roof.

While I admit that the music of a band named after a dildo should be, at the very least, sexy, not to mention be able to make you moan, if not scream with pleasure, I think where you’re short-changing both the band and the roof is in their production and functionality. The Mansard was designed to create more usable space in buildings—the roof area as an extra floor, if you will—and who couldn’t use a little extra habitable space, especially if it comes with romantic little dormer windows?

In defense of the band, while I do think listening to them is about as exciting as watching a faucet drip, to accuse them of sucking may be extreme. For help on this point I turn to Bright Antenna’s producer and engineer, Sep V, for his professional opinion: “Scientifically speaking, at a time when high fidelity, low noise recordings were hard to produce in the analog world, what Steely Dan brought to the table was the ability to create sonically perfect music. They revolutionized the methods of recording and taking in sounds. And rarely are creative people put in a position where they can revolutionize the technology to capture their sound by exploring new technical processes.” Sep begins to walk out of the room, then pauses to say, “Were the songs cheesy and dull? Yes. But technically they were dope.”

In conclusion, I think it’s safe to say that one thing we both agree on, Two Pet, is that sonically perfect or not, we’d take the William Burroughs version of Steely Dan over the musical version any day of the week.

Go ahead and lose our numbers, Rikki.

Shine on...



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